All About Becky

From the hospital, Becky has requested that I write about her, so I'm going to do that. She also says that I should put her eulogy in here, which is something I had to write for Death and Dying. I made up some stuff and it's about 2 1/2 pages long, so enjoy that. Here it is.

Dear family and friends, we are here today to honor and celebrate the life of Rebecca Gerity, better known to most of us as Becky. Happily, Becky is able to be here with us today. You’ll recognize her as the short blonde in the front row. Becky is many things to many people. She is a daughter, a wife, a sister and a friend. In a few weeks she will also be the mother of twin girls, who I am sure will be beautiful. Becky is my one and only sister as well as my friend. Though, if she keeps calling me in the middle of the night I might take friend off that list. She also wants me to tell you that she is the hottest girl I know.
I have chosen to honor my sister because she is my sister, and also my best friend. What greater reason is there than that? For all her strange quirks, Becky is a fantastic person. Her quirks make her who she is. Becky wouldn’t be Becky without her obsession with the color pink or her “ghetto driving.”
I have known Becky for almost 21 years. We met at O’Bleness the day she was born. I was two and a half years old and she had just been born. Becky is enrolled in the Toledo Academy of Beauty. She has three days of school to finish before she can become a cosmetologist, but she has to wait until the twins are born before she can do that. So, for now she sits in the hospital and does not exactly “make a living.”
The thing I admire most about my sister is that she is always there for me. Being my sister, I suppose I should expect that, but I am still grateful that she is there. Not all sisters have the relationship we have. We have not always had the relationship we have now. When we were younger, we fought almost constantly, and always over small, petty things. I remember at least one fight over computer time that turned into a game of Who Can Make the Funniest Animal Noise. At the end, for some reason, we poured pepper into each other’s milk. I also admire that Becky has practically no fear. Sure, she cries every time she sees a needle, but outside of that, fearless. Becky does not hide her feelings from other people. If she likes you, you know it. If she hates you, you know it.
If there was just one thing I could tell the world about Becky, it is that if she is mean to you, she likes you. A lot of people have told me how mean my sister is, but it is really just her way of being friendly. It sounds weird, but it is true. It is kind of how our whole family works. We express our love for each other in endless jokes and insults. Becky tells you if she does not like you. If she seems a little harsh, she is just playing.
I have learned so many things from Becky it is hard to remember them all. For one, I learned from her that being late is not the end of the world. Becky operates on her own time scale, called Becky Time. Becky Time is generally at least ten minutes behind the time the rest of us use. On a more serious note, Becky has also taught me about friendship. She is kind of required to be my sister, as the biology of that cannot be changed, but she is not required to be my friend. Becky and I are very different in some ways, but we can be friends in spite of our differences. Becky is a strong-willed, outgoing, pink loving girly girl, and I am pretty much the exact opposite. Perhaps I have also learned that opposites really do attract.
Now I would like to share a few anecdotes with you. Becky and I have had some very odd adventures. In high school I drove a 1988 Chrysler LeBaron convertible. It was a pile of junk, but it moved. Gas prices were much lower then, and we used to drive around town blasting Ricky Martin’s Livin’ La Vida Loca with the top down. We played the song over and over again. The CD player in my car did not have a repeat function, so Becky kept “falling over” and “accidentally” playing the song again. It does not sound like anything special, but we thought it was hilarious.
Also hilarious was Becky’s bachelorette party. The party started off with typical bachelorette party games, and then moved to Dave and Buster’s in Columbus. The games were fun, but the Scavenger Hunt was more fun. Becky’s friend Erin found the Scavenger Hunt card and we enjoyed finding people to do the tasks for us. We had an entire group of men on their knees singing “You Are So Beautiful” to my sister. We also got an employee to give my sister a rainbow tattoo with a pen. Becky got marriage advice from all of the bartenders and a manager. Though it is unlikely, I would like to believe that the employees of that restaurant will not soon forget us. Even without alcohol the four of us were probably the single most annoying group there.
Basically, I have put everyone through all of this to come to my final conclusion. I love my sister!

She also says she misses arguing with Scott.

Jacci the Press Secretary

My sister is having twins on August 1 at 10 AM. Hooray for being an aunt! I don't think I'll make a very good aunt, but there's nothing to be done for it. I don't know if I'll even be able to be at the hospital on the 1st. I'll have to discuss with some professors.

Speaking of professors, one of mine seems to think that mock elections are a good idea. We have a Republican group, a Democrat group and a journalists group. I get to be press secretary for the Republicans. It should actually be fun. We haven't decided who we're going to pretend to be, but I think it's going to be Olympia Snow (I think that's her name). She a senator from Maine. We're mock running for president. We assume that the Democrats are going to run Hillary against us. I think we can beat her. Hillary's scary. The most entertaining part of this, I think, is going to be that our campaign manager is a College Democrat and our fake Olympia Snow is a College Republican. I think it will be funny.

Apparently our electorate is going to be another Poli-sci class, so we're not too ecstatic about our chances of winning over what is sure to be a room full of Democrats, but we have strategies. Some of them are simple like e-spamming them. Others involve buying people off for ten dollars. Apparently Dr. Gordon doesn't want us resorting to cheating, but what's a presidential campaign without a little cheating? But, alas, I think we shall be sticking to fair play.

Bye-Bye Kearnsy

MY Austin Kearns. Traded to the stupid Nationals where he will have to suffer the terror known as Jim Bowden. He was MINE! He was staying in Cincinnati for the rest of forever because I said it would be so. Thanks for listening Wayne! Now I have to get a new favorite Red.